18 September 2006
An Appendix of The Black Dahlia
Though De Palma's latest, The Black Dahlia, didn't appear to fare so well at the box office (it lost the top spot to some inspirational football movie starring The Rock), it seems just about everyone I know went to see it anyway. I compiled a list of quotes from people who did go out and see it, and though they're paraphrased, you get the point.
"You only think you liked Hilary Swank in it, because everything before she showed up sucked, and when something that didn't suck nearly as hard showed up, you latched onto something."
"I spent the whole car ride home talking about how much I fucking hate Scarlett Johansson."
"Fuck Brian De Palma."
"I told you it was in Mia Kirshner's contract that she had to at least make out with a girl in every project she does."
"Who woulda thought that the Black Dahlia would have been a subplot in a film called The Black Dahlia?"
"As much as I disliked the movie, I near came when I heard Scarlett described as a big-titted Dakota cunt."
"Awesomely disturbing and playfully generic."
"Well, at least I liked that snake-skin dildo in the stag film."
The Fucking Woman Behind Me in the Theatre:
No opinion, due to the fact that she answered her fucking phone TWICE during the film.
I'm going to review Femme Fatale again soon, so I can defend that film as delicious De Palma (Tom, back me up on this one) and show why The Black Dahlia surely is not. Oh, and... at least Rose McGowan was amusing in the film. Oh, and if you want me to quote you on here about The Black Dahlia, please send me an e-mail, and I'll be happy to.
"I'm convinced Scarlett Johansson's best performances occur offscreen, while she's being titty-fucked in an elevator."
"It sure made me sick."