05 February 2010
Fearing the Worst, An Idea for Sandra Bullock
Though I’m generally apathetic to the Academy Awards, there have certainly been moments over the years that have stirred some shred of emotion out of me. On occasion, I’ve actually found myself excited (particularly when Tilda Swinton, Penélope Cruz and Marion Cotillard’s names were announced, or Adrien Brody’s win which may be one of the few legitimately surprises in recent history), but more often than those uncommon occurrences, the Oscars make me angry. A few years back, my blood nearly reached its boiling point. That particular instance, when Jack Nicholson read off the Best Picture winner in 2006, made the idea of driving onto the sidewalk on the way home and plowing down whatever pedestrian might be on it sound like the appropriate response. I guess I recreated the scene from Happiness when Louise Lasser almost swerves her car into Elizabeth Ashley, but that action had a specific victim in mind… I was willing to take out innocent civilians. I’m recalling that sensation because I fear the Academy might pull another load of bullshit on us next month. Though it’s possible Sandra Bullock might be more deserving of an Oscar for her acting than Paul Haggis is for his screenwriting, having to see and hear “Academy Award winner” before Bullock’s name for the rest of time is alarming. However—and this is a big “however”—if Sandy decides to pull a Marlon Brando and send Karin Dreijer Andersson (of Fever Ray and The Knife) as her own Sacheen Littlefeather to accept the award, all will be right with the world (and no pedestrians will be harmed). Karin’s acceptance speech at the P3 Gold Awards (the Swedish equivalent of the Grammy's) was one of the most amazing things I’ve ever seen (weird, defiant, unsettling and highly amusing), as well as the best acceptance speech anyone has ever given (just above Brando and Fiona Apple). If Sandra Bullock knows what’s best for all of us, she’ll be phoning Karin… just in case.