...Caligula Would Have Blushed

Caligula
Caligola
1979, Italy/USA
Tinto Brass, Bob Guccioni, Giancarlo Lui

Though I believe all perceived cinematic disasters should be revisited and reexamined through time, I regret the decision I made yesterday to give Caligula such treatment. Seeing it at an age when I actively sought out all things controversial and decadent, I possessed few feelings, one way or the other about the film, but following a strange impulse to give it another look, I'm surprised by my teenage ambivalence. Caligula is a trash heap of a movie, a singular achievement only in the fact that it managed to sour the combined efforts of so many talented individuals. Were those efforts collectively ruined by Penthouse founder Bob Guccione? Giving him any creative control or license was a mistake of course, but I'm pretty sure Caligula was beyond hope long before Guccione filmed those additional porn scenes.

Reading about the production nightmares of turning the roman emperor's debauched life into a motion picture, it's quite apparent that the various power struggles between screenwriter Gore Vidal, director Tinto Brass, art director Danilo Donati, producer Guccione, and star Malcolm McDowell were the source of the problem. And what's left is an unsurprisingly tasteless but surprisingly tiresome film that looks like a perverted child's version of Satyricon. I found myself cringing at every single aspect of Caligula, least of which its prurient affectations.

With: Malcolm McDowell, Peter O'Toole, Teresa Ann Savoy, Helen Mirren, John Gielgud, Guido Mannari, Bruno Brive, Giancarlo Badessi, John Steiner, Donato Placido, Paolo Bonacelli, Leopoldo Trieste, Mirella D'Angelo, Anneka Di Lorenzo, Lori Wagner, Adriana Asti, Rick Parets

The Decade List: Shadowboxer (2005)

Shadowboxer - dir. Lee Daniels

[Edited from an earlier post; I made unnecessary paragraph breaks to accommodate more screencaps from this beauty. Also, if anyone would be interested in, maybe, a live-blog of this film, holler my way!]

Shadowboxer is the sort of complete disaster that certainly doesn't come around very often. Even when they do, they seldom come in a way that could fool the most passive viewer into looking past the utter absurdity of the entire production. Shadowboxer doesn't ever crack that smile you're waiting for, and this is to its credit... or, more accurately, to our enjoyment (though Bradford did remind me that Vanessa Ferlito is watching Valley of the Dolls in all its camp glory when Helen Mirren walks into her room... it's even the scene where Susan Hayward sings "I'll Plant My Own Tree"). That his latest film, Precious, has been getting so many raves (even with Mo'Nique, Mariah Carey, Lenny Kravitz and Sherri Shepherd in the cast) this year makes me wonder if Shadowboxer was just a ruse.

The always-wonderful (even here) Mirren plays Rose, a cold assassin dying of cancer on her final mission with partner/lover Mikey (Cuba Gooding Jr., and yes, you read that correctly). Things don't work out as planned when Rose reclaims the compassion that's been missing in her life as she decides to deliver her hit's baby, instead of killing her. Yes, Mirren and her gun manage to scare the water right out of the pregnant Vickie (Ferlito, who probably kicked herself after thinking this would be her breakout role), and like a pro, Mirren gets that baby right out. Rose, Mikey, Vickie and the baby go into seclusion, forming a strange family alliance away from Vickie's crazy husband (Stephen Dorff), the one that hired the hit on her. Explaining what happens plot-wise in Shadowboxer is not where you find the magic; the unintentional marvel of Shadowboxer presents itself in the revoltingly gaudy and hysterically absurd ornaments that string the film together.

The most noticeable head-scratcher of Shadowboxer is its casting. One can only assume that Lee Daniels called in a few favors and threw those favors together any way he could. In addition to the coupling of Mirren and Gooding, he also pairs Joseph Gordon-Levitt with Mo'Nique. Somehow he also asks us to suspend disbelief in accepting Gordon-Levitt as a doctor and Mo'Nique as the crack-head nurse who put him through medical school. Dorff is expectedly awful as a hot head, but the real gem of this casting is Macy Gray as Vickie's sassy, alcoholic best friend Neisha. Gray, a one-hit wonder with a gravel voice, fully assumes her role in a way that makes you think she stumbled drunk onto the set, threw herself into the film, and miraculously ended up in the final cut. But you would be oh-so-wrong in that assumption, as Daniels blindly thinks that her character is actually essential to the film. She’s absolutely not, and that’s why she works so well here.

One can’t help but wonder if Daniels actually read the screenplay by first-time writer William Lipz, let alone questioned anything that happens within the pages. Who the fuck is Stephen Dorff’s character supposed to be? It’s never explained, nor is it explained why he shoves a broken pool stick up a guy’s ass, wants to kill his wife, or decides to go full-frontal in one of the most gratuitous nude scenes I’ve seen in a while. Why is Mo’Nique a crackhead, and why would someone cast a woman of her size as one? Unless, I suppose, she recently picked up the habit.

I can appreciate films that have no raison d'être, but films that naïvely assume they're important (coughCrashcough) really churn my stomach. Thankfully, Shadowboxer is so blissfully unnecessary, unimportant, misguided, and incoherent that I have no shame in saying it was one of the more pleasurable film experiences I’d had in a while. A friend of mine and I decided the most telling example of Shadowboxer’s perplexing appeal is a scene in which Cuba Gooding Jr. offers to buy Macy Gray a drink. She insists upon five drinks and turns to the only other person in the bar (extras are expensive) who happens to be the most toe-up nasty tranny Daniels could find and asks if she wants a drink as well. I could do my best Macy Gray impersonation, but that wouldn’t get the full effect.

And I don't even have the time to mention Cuba in drag or the zebra. One can’t help but admire Helen Mirren for emerging from this abysmal failure unscathed as she did in Teaching Mrs. Tingle. Donned in Vivienne Westwood, she still manages to be just as wonderful here as she’s ever been. Don’t let Mirren (or the lushly uneven cinematography, or straight-faced tone) fool you, Shadowboxer is a train wreck all its own, so astoundingly wrong in every way that we may have to ask Nomi Malone to pass on her crown.

With: Helen Mirren, Cuba Gooding, Jr., Vanessa Ferlito, Stephen Dorff, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Mo'Nique, Macy Gray
Screenplay: William Lipz
Cinematography: M. David Mullen
Music: Mario Grigorov
Country of Origin: USA
US Distributor: Code Black Entertainment

Premiere: 9 September 2005 (Toronto International Film Festival)
US Premiere: 21 July 2006

Countdown to the Oscars (bleh), Part 3

Here are the actor/actress/supporting actor/supporting actress rundowns of the past 10 years. I'll be the first to admit that I'm cheating a bit, as some of these films (usually the ones in the bottom category) are films I never finished watching after getting bored/uninterested/pissed off at the films when they would come on HBO. The bold font denotes a winner that particular year. Again, I realize the list would be more effective had I gone by release year instead of ceremony year, but I caught myself too late on that one.

Ten Best "Best Actor" Nominees

1. Daniel Day-Lewis, There Will Be Blood (2008)
2. Ryan Gosling, Half Nelson (2007)
3. Heath Ledger, Brokeback Mountain (2006)
4. Javier Bardem, Before Night Falls (2000)
5. Sean Penn, Milk (2009)
6. Richard Farnsworth, The Straight Story (2000)
7. Mickey Rourke, The Wrestler (2009)
8. Daniel Day-Lewis, Gangs of New York (2003)
9. Viggo Mortensen, Eastern Promises (2008)
10. Russell Crowe, The Insider (2000)

Ten Worst "Best Actor" Nominees

1. Jamie Foxx, Ray (2005)
2. Johnny Depp, Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Seville (2008)
3. Brad Pitt, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (2009)
4. Jude Law, Cold Mountain (2004)
5. Will Smith, The Pursuit of Happyness (2007)
6. Johnny Depp, Finding Neverland (2005)
7. Will Smith, Ali (2002)
8. Russell Crowe, A Beautiful Mind (2002)
9. Peter O'Toole, Venus (2007)
10. Leonardo DiCaprio, Blood Diamond (2007)

Ten Best "Best Actress" Nominees

1. Helen Mirren, The Queen (2007)
2. Penélope Cruz, Volver (2007)
3. Charlize Theron, Monster (2004)
4. Marion Cotillard, La Vie en rose (2008)
5. Sissy Spacek, In the Bedroom (2002)
6. Hilary Swank, Boys Don't Cry (2000)
7. Julianne Moore, Far from Heaven (2003)
8. Julie Christie, Away from Her (2008)
9. Diane Lane, Unfaithful (2003)
10. Laura Linney, The Savages (2008)

Ten Worst "Best Actress" Nominees

1. Nicole Kidman, Moulin Rouge! (2002)
2. Renée Zellweger, Chicago (2003)
3. Angelina Jolie, Changeling (2009)
4. Halle Berry, Monster's Ball (2002)
5. Diane Keaton, Something's Gotta Give (2004)
6. Cate Blanchett, Elizabeth: The Golden Age (2008)
7. Felicity Huffman, Transamerica (2006)
8. Juliette Binoche, Chocolat (2001)
9. Judi Dench, Notes on a Scandal (2007)
10. Annette Bening, Being Julia (2005)

Ten Best "Best Supporting Actor" Nominees

1. Javier Bardem, No Country for Old Men (2008)
2. Clive Owen, Closer (2005)
3. Jackie Earle Haley, Little Children (2007)
4. Jude Law, The Talented Mr. Ripley (2000)
5. Ben Kingsley, Sexy Beast (2001)
6. Willem Dafoe, Shadow of the Vampire (2000)
7. Mark Wahlberg, The Departed (2007)
8. Casey Affleck, The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford (2008)
9. Djimon Hounsou, In America (2003)
10. Chris Cooper, Adaptation. (2003)

Ten Worst "Best Supporting Actor" Nominees

1. Eddie Murphy, Dreamgirls (2007)
2. Matt Dillon, Crash (2006)
3. John C. Reilly, Chicago (2003)
4. William Hurt, A History of Violence (2006)
5. Joaquin Phoenix, Gladiator (2001)
6. Jeff Bridges, The Contender (2000)
7. Hal Holbrook, Into the Wild (2008)
8. Ethan Hawke, Training Day (2002)
9. Alan Alda, The Aviator (2005)
10. Jake Gyllenhaal, Brokeback Mountain (2006)

Ten Best "Best Supporting Actress" Nominees

1. Amy Adams, Jubebug (2006)
2. Penélope Cruz, Vicky Cristina Barcelona (2009)
3. Catherine Keener, Being John Malkovich (2000)
4. Patricia Clarkson, Pieces of April (2004)
5. Chloë Sevigny, Boys Don't Cry (2000)
6. Samantha Morton, Sweet and Lowdown (2000)
7. Maggie Smith, Gosford Park (2002)
8. Tilda Swinton, Michael Clayton (2008)
9. Rinko Kikuchi, Babel (2007)
10. Catherine Zeta-Jones, Chicago (2003)

Ten Worst "Best Supporting Actress" Nominees

1. Kate Hudson, Almost Famous (2001)
2. Natalie Portman, Closer (2005)
3. Cate Blanchett, Notes on a Scandal (2007)
4. Frances McDormand, Almost Famous (2001)
5. Kate Winslet, Iris (2002)
6. Judi Dench, Chocolat (2001)
7. Ruby Dee, American Gangster (2008)
8. Saoirse Ronan, Atonement (2008)
9. Renée Zellweger, Cold Mountain (2004)
10. Frances McDormand, North Country (2006)

Women (in love)

Thanks to Ed at Only the Cinema, I'm posting my list of my 20 favorite actresses, in no particular order and with apologies to many whom I could not include, not the least of which Samantha Morton, who blew me away in Morvern Callar but has been losing favor with me in the past year or so (for no good reason). Others I feel bad ignoring are Sissy Spacek, Julianne Moore, Ashley Judd (whenever she stays away from the Hollywood system), Gong Li, Sheryl Lee (at least in Fire Walk With Me), Liv Ullmann, Julie Christie, Emmanuelle Devos, Bibi Andersson, Nastassja Kinski (hmm), Juliette Binoche, Emmanuelle Béart, Diane Keaton, Ludivine Sagnier and a load of others. And if you know me, you know I'm f'real on my number 20.

Isabelle Huppert - La pianiste

Helen Mirren - The Cook, the Thief, His Wife & Her Lover

Tilda Swinton - Teknolust (not her finest, but you get four Tildas for the price of one)

Béatrice Dalle - Betty Blue

Parker Posey - Broken English

Isabella Rossellini - Blue Velvet

Faye Dunaway - Chinatown

Maggie Cheung - Clean

Margit Carstensen - The Bitter Tears of Petra von Kant

Asia Argento - Boarding Gate

Barbara Stanwyck - Double Indemnity

Penélope Cruz - Volver

Ingrid Thulin - The Silence

Glenda Jackson - Women in Love

Irm Hermann - The Bitter Tears of Petra von Kant (her silence is remarkable!)

Charlotte Rampling - Sous le sable

Laura Dern - Wild at Heart

Harriet Andersson - Through a Glass Darkly

Lara Flynn Boyle - Happiness

Gina Gershon - Showgirls

The Oscars love Mexicans, just like Paul Haggis!

Thank goodness they had Salma Hayek around for the announcement of this year's Academy Award nominations, 'cos even Naomi Watts can't pronounce Alejandro González Iñárritu's name (and she worked with him!). Like Michael Peña in Crash, the Mexicans could do no wrong as the nominations came around this past morning, with Alfonso Cuarón getting a Best Adapted Screenplay nod for Children of Men (he did not, however, receive a much-deserved Best Director nod) and Guillermo del Toro picked up a bunch, including Best Foreign-Language Film, for Pan's Labyrinth. Missing in action was that conquistador Pedro Almodóvar in a sizable mistake by the Academy. No nomination for Volver further supports the theory I discussed in by Best of the Year list. Penélope Cruz did indeed get a nod for her work on the film, but let's just clap for her now, because Mirren has it in the bag. And, no Best Picture nomination for Dreamgirls!? The Academy is racist!!... where was Beyoncé's nod? Expect her father to make some bull-headed, moronic comment about this publicly soon (if he hasn't already). With no real guarantees, except Mirren and Pan's Labyrinth for Best Foreign Language film, this could be one of the more exciting years for the Oscars. And, as my friend Mike said, after this morning, we can officially refer to Click, Poseidon, and The Black Dahlia as "Academy Award Nominees." The complete list is here, if you're interested.

S'more awards... zzz...

San Francisco Film Critics Circle:

Best Film: Little Children - dir. Todd Field

Best Director: Paul Greengrass (United 93)

Best Actor: Sacha Baron Cohen (Borat)

Best Actress: Helen Mirren (The Queen)

Best Supporting Actor: Jackie Earle Haley (Little Children)

Best Supporting Actress: Adriana Barraza (Babel)

Best Original Screenplay: Rian Johnson (Brick)

Best Adapted Screenplay: Todd Field, Tom Perrotta (Little Children)

Best Foreign Language Film: Pan's Labyrinth (El laberinto del Fauno) - dir. Guillermo del Toro

Best Documentary: An Inconvenient Truth - dir. Davis Guggenheim

Special Citation in honor of Arthur Lazere: The Death of Mr. Lazarescu


Thoughts:

Though San Francisco has officially made Helen Mirren the across-the-board Best Actress, it was nice to see Little Children as the best picture, stepping away from Clint Eastwood and Martin Scorsese. New Line tried to bury Little Children, but it looks like they're going to have to bring it back to life with all the awards it's been acquiring. And cheers to the surprise of Brick for best original screenplay. In other news, the Golden Globe nominations were announced this morning with little to no surprise. Some minor surprises include Will Smith (groan) for The Pursuit of Happyness (learn how to spell, fuckers), Maggie Gyllenhaal for Sherrybaby, and Emily Blunt, oh so lovely in My Summer of Love, for The Devil Wears Prada. And tell me someone else is pissed that Mel Gibson's Apocalypto and Clint Eastwood's Letters from Iwo Jima are included in the best foreign-language category. The complete nominations can be found here. Some notable omissions though include Ryan Gosling and Shareeka Epps for Half Nelson (did they really nominate Will Smith in place of Gosling?) and Steve Carell (and really everyone else except for Toni Collette) for Little Miss Sunshine.

Let the awards begin...

The National Board of Review, always the first to dish out the end-of-the-year awards, named Clint Eastwood's Letters from Iwo Jima the best film of 2006. Iwo Jima is the sequel to his Flags of Our Fathers which tanked at the box office earlier this year. The National Board of Review rarely sets the stage for the Academy Awards, so we'll see what happens when the other awards roll out.

The awards are as follows:

Best Film: Letters from Iwo Jima - dir. Clint Eastwood

Best Actor: Forest Whitaker (The Last King of Scotland)

Best Actress: Helen Mirren (The Queen)

Best Supporting Actor: Djimon Hounsou (Blood Diamond)

Best Supporting Actress: Catherine O'Hara (For Your Consideration)

Best Director: Martin Scorsese (The Departed)

Best Foreign Film: Volver - dir. Pedro Almodóvar

Best Animated Film: Cars - dir. John Lasseter, Joe Ranft

Best Documentary: An Inconvenient Truth - dir. Davis Guggenheim

The 10 Best Films of 2006 (the rest listed alphabetically):
Letters from Iwo Jima
Babel - dir. Alejandro González Iñárritu
Blood Diamond - dir. Edward Zwick
The Departed - dir. Martin Scorsese
The Devil Wears Prada - dir. David Frankel
Flags of Our Fathers - dir. Clint Eastwood
The History Boys - dir. Nicholas Hytner
Little Miss Sunshine - dir. Jonathan Dayton, Valerie Faris
Notes on a Scandal - dir. Richard Eyre
The Painted Veil - dir. John Curran

As you can guess, I'm pretty weary of these awards, though I'm pleased (and not surprised) to see Volver winning in the best foreign film category. I really must be in the minority with a lot of films as I thought O'Hara was uncomfortable in Consideration and thought Cars sucked. In the case of Cars though, it has little competition in its category; its only potential opponents would be DreamWorks' Over the Hedge and Richard Linklater's A Scanner Darkly. You may remember though that Linklater's superior Waking Life wasn't nominated in the Academy's first Best Animated Feature category; instead, Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius was. This will likely be the first of many awards for Mirren, who's the front-runner for Best Actress this year. It'll hopefully be the last of the awards handed out to Babel, but that's just wishful thinking.

Three Months till 2007

I haven’t done a “coming soon to your theatre” post in a while, and I’m still pissed that Abel Ferrara’s Mary hasn’t found distribution yet. C’mon, it could so easily ride on the coattail of The DaVinci Code, and I wouldn’t mind.

First off, how can you resist a bunch of cute kids taking back America for Jesus? In Jesus Camp, these kids apparently want to be Billy Graham and attend a fun-filled Jesus Summer Camp. I always love patronizing Christians, so you’ll see me in line dressed as the Savior himself. I might also recommend Hell House for jaw-dropping, are-Christians-for-fucking-real laughs and squirms.

You can always count on Helen Mirren to give us a fine performance in The Queen; she did win the Best Actress prize at the Venice Film Festival (but then again, so has Robin Tunney). More so, you can always count on Miramax to release an unnecessary biopic for Oscar season, even without the Weinsteins. Sure, Stephen Frears is sort-of respectable, but I’ll wait for video to see the ravishing Mirren play her second Queen Elizabeth of the year.

Gus Van Sant has yet again produced a young gay boy’s coping with sexuality à la Tarnation. This one’s called Wild Tigers I Have Known and is the first feature by Cam Archer, who’s made several shorts prior. I think I’ll skip this one too.

One film I certainly will not skip is John Cameron Mitchell’s Shortbus, which looks to be stellar. ThinkFilm knew what they were doing to get me in the seat when they used the quote, “Like Woody Allen’s Manhattan, only with money shots.” The film stars Sook-Yin Lee, whom you might remember as Kwahng-Yi from Hedwig. She’s also a Canadian television personality who almost lost her job because of the film. Thankfully, Yoko Ono, Michael Stipe, and Francis Ford Coppola (surprise) came to her aid and defended her artistic expression. You can see the uncensored trailer, finally, at www.shortbusthemovie.com.

Certainly one of the big Oscar baiters, Todd Field’s follow-up to his critically-acclaimed In the Bedroom (I really only liked the film for Sissy, but whatever), Little Children, comes out in October. The film stars Kate Winslet, Jennifer Connelly, and Patrick Wilson (Hard Candy) and, as long as it doesn’t turn out to be as horrible as Winslet’s other film this year, All the King’s Men, will likely run off with several nominations.

Ryan Murphy, creator of such deliciously appealing television shows as Popular and Nip/Tuck, will take his first time directing in an adaptation of Augusten Burroughs’ Running with Scissors. The poster blows, and I hate Annette Bening, but with support from the always-reliable Brian Cox, I may be able to stomach her.

I’ve said enough about Sofia and the sure-to-be-failure of Marie Antoinette, so just take note it comes out on the 20th of October.

As someone who strongly disliked 21 Grams and was passively unimpressed with Amores perros, you can bet I’m not really looking forward to Alejandro González Iñárritu’s Babel, which won him the Best Director prize at Cannes. It sounds nauseatingly a lot like Crash, so beware.

After a several month delay, Pedro’s Volver is opening on the 3rd of November in New York and L.A. I’ve said plenty about this one, too, so just expect a full review once it comes to Saint Louis. Pedro apparently tried to make Ms. Cruz look as much like Sofia Loren as possible.

Also on the 3rd, Sacha Baron Cohen’s Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan will be released nationwide. Borat, one of Cohen’s three characters from Da Ali G Show, is a Jew-hating, sex-obsessed television star with poor English skills. The film apparently features some wonderful tea-bagging, so prepare to have a good ol’ time at the movies.

Yeah, I’m not happy Nicole Kidman is playing Diane Arbus either, and I may be even less happy that Steven Sheinberg (Secretary) is directing the dreadful-looking biopic Fur: An Imaginay Portrait of Diane Arbus. The film also stars Ty Burrell (Dawn of the Dead, Friends with Money) and Robert Downey, Jr.

ThinkFilm will be releasing the documentary Fuck (or, F*ck) on the 10th. The documentary, about the origins and offensiveness of the word, features Kevin Smith, Ron Jeremy, Alanis Morrissette, Janeane Garofalo, Billy Connolly, and Bill Mahr, to name a few. Let’s hope this film is a bit more enlightening than that dud, The Aristocrats.

Also from ThinkFilm, the sudsy, druggy romance Candy will be out in New York on the 17th of November. The Australian film stars Heath Ledger, Abbie Cornish (Somersault), and Geoffrey Rush.

Count me out, despite my love for Hugh Jackman, on Darren Aronofsky’s Requiem for a Dream follow-up, The Fountain. Critics hated it at Toronto, and chances are: I’ll hate it too. The film also stars Aronofsky’s wife, Rachel Weisz.

Christopher Guest returns with his usual crew (Catherine O’Hara, Parker Posey, Eugene Levy, Michael McKean, etc), in addition to The Office’s Ricky Gervais, with For Your Consideration, another mockumentary about a group of actors putting on a play.

Naomi Watts will star in the Greta Garbo role in We Don’t Live Here Anymore director John Curran’s remake of The Painted Veil. I’m expecting plenty of crying from Watts, who’s slowly taking the crying trophy away from Julianne Moore. The film also stars Liev Schrieber and Edward Norton.

And speaking of Julianne Moore, she will star in Alfonso Cuarón’s Children of Men, a science fiction film about a woman who becomes pregnant despite procreation being a thing of the past. Clive Owen, Michael Caine, Chiwetel Ejiofor, and Peter Mullan also star.

And, what better way to spend Christmas than with Beyoncé playing herself… I mean, Diana Ross… I mean “Deena Jones,” the lead singer of a three girl pop group, in Dreamgirls. So far, it looks to be the only musical this Christmas season, and with Idlewild doing poorly, I doubt we’ll see a whole lot more coming our way.

Finally, Guillermo del Toro’s Pan’s Labyrinth (El laberinto del Fauno) will have a limited release before the new year, possibly in hopes for Oscar consideration, though I doubt a fantasy horror film will have a good chance. From the looks of the other releases this year, who knows? It’s supposed to be his best film since Cronos.